Take Your Time

Believe in something real

Do good for the sake of good

and not for the approval 

Go become the things you love most

And cherish the novelty

because in the end

time will only remember 

how you wasted him

and love will only remember

How you used her

 God gave us these commodities

with an expiration date

 and we'll never know when that is

So

Accept the love you're given

and 

take your time.

Know Me

If you really knew me

you'd know that I like Winter more than Summer

Because there's something about being warm

when it's cold

You'd know that I really like the song

Come on Eileen

And that they didn't play it at prom

You'd know that what I think people think

And what they actually think

Are very different.

You'd know that "I'm secretly in love with Alta June"

You'd know that I like slow songs

Because the beat matches my heart better

You'd know that I think Nelson

Is just an older version of me

But more bald.

You'd know that I still ask my mom for advice on girls

You'd know that I don't know

To say how I feel

Without feeling guilty

You'd know that I've spent most of my nights

Getting ready to go somewhere

With friends who haven't invited me yet.

You'd know that I've done a lot of waiting

You'd know that I waited for three years to tell her

How I feel

You'd know that I can't sleep with socks on

You'd know that the majority of my hikes

Are spent bushwhacking 

You'd know that after high school

I probably won't have a social life

And I'm ok with that

Sort of

You'd know that I care a lot about people I don't know

And I really do care about you

Because I believe that people are good

You'd know that I didn't reach my peak

Because this is high school

I'm 18.

You'd know that ending blog posts are hard for me

And that saying goodbye 

Is something I try to avoid

But I guess it's inevitable 

So thanks

And 

Good luck to you

-Charlie

You

My mother told me
It takes time for someone to fall in love
But whenever I think that it's been a while,
It's like trying to catch a train that's already left
For who knows how long
So I've gotten used to walking
But I avoid the cracks in the sidewalk because
The straight ones look like you
And the crooked ones look like me
And somewhere along the lines of the road we met
And I kept going, but when I looked over,
You took a hard left

As I just stumbled around the corner
Wondering what I did.
My steps slowed down so did my heart
Because my heart was alone and it didn't have anything to catch up to anymore
And when I asked why
You said something poetic
And it must have been about love because I didn't understand it
See my heart just wanted the chance to say I love you
But it couldn't find the words
Because they were hidden in the holes of your flaws
And if I were to connect the freckles on your face
They would say "I Love"
And mine would only spell out
"You"

because like unfinished sentences,

we complete each other

and I can't erase that.

Ugly Things that have Changed the World

Ugly things have more to offer

Than an outward appearance.

Because

Crying is ugly
But tears from compassion have changed the world
Sweat is ugly
But the hard work of men and women has changed the world
Feet are ugly
But the steps we take toward helping others have changed the world.

Dirty fingernails are ugly
But the music they play that moves the heart has changed the world.
Scars are ugly
But the stories of courage being passed on have changed the world
Wrinkles are ugly
But the wrinkles around kind eyes and smiling lips have changed the world

These have changed the world.

And they will continue to change the world

Remember that.

Everybody falls in love with the wrong people,



                                 &


                                             that's alright.



                                                          Because someday you might get it right.



                            




                                 just remember that.

Someone asked me

Someone asked me
If you could change anything about yourself
What would it be?
I said I didn't know
Because I didn't realize I was supposed
To have something I wanted to change
I didn't realize that I supposed to be unhappy
With the things I'm made up of.
But I told them
I'd change the way I sound
Because maybe then people would listen.

Someone asked me
If you could have a super power
What would it be
I laughed and said
I don't need a super power
To be invisible
Because it
Isn't something you practice at
It isn't something you get good at
If I could have a super power
I would want to be able to see
Those people
And not just look at them.

Someone asked me
If you could make a change
What would it be
I said
I would change priority
Because
It's seems that we are objectifying important people
And personifying useless objects.
And I don't know if it's our generation
Or the one that raised us
But I know that something about that isn't right.
And it's gotta stop.

Please,

Make it stop.

Soles

Because shoes,
Like humans

Look pretty

And sometimes they don't fit
Sometimes the tongue is
Bigger than we can help
And all together we can look
A little worn
A little torn

Shoes got soles
And we got souls 

And sometimes
It's not the shoes that's worn out
But the souls
Of the people who walk in them

 

Charlie

Once
Someone told me I was bad at hugging
so I stopped
I stopped giving hugs
because I didn't want to be told that again
I even looked up on wiki-how
"how to hug"
so that just in case I had to hug again
I might be a little more prepared

Once
I was told on my birthday
by some 10th grade 'royalty'
that I didn't matter
but I simply told them I did
and walked away
but since that day
I don't talk to 'royalty'
especially on my birthday.

Once
I decided I was for love
and I told her about my love
but because best friends
don't make the best of lovers
I was left with nothing
and I wish I would've said nothing
because maybe now things
could be different

Once
I posted this video of my singing
and Nelson played it
for both classes
and I was so embarrassed
because I didn't think anyone
would really listen to it
so I deleted it
because I never really liked
my own voice

Once
I made this blog named
Charlie Laurent
and it got way more emotional than
I thought it would
And I don't let a lot of people in
and I ask you to please
know me as I am

So now you know me as

the boy who wont hug
or
the boy who doesn't like his birthday
or
the boy who can't talk about love
or
the boy who loves to sing but wont

and the thing about Charlie Laurent 

Is that he wants to be known
for who he really is

but you see even if all these sad things say a lot about me,
I made the choice a while ago
to be happy, and I am.



and I will continue to be happy



and I know this isn't the most spectacular of reveals
and I had no intention of competing with
Maddie Wheadon or Landon Hall
but I just wanted to say
I'm Caleb Miller
and I am Happy.

The Sea Allegory

Nights grow darker
days get longer
trees reach higher
And the seas sink deeper
and deeper
deeper
and all this time I'm feeling
that maybe I missed something along the way.
or maybe I just miss you.
Because everyone here is falling in love with fish
but I'm afraid I fell in love with the sea.
Because it was the only thing that pulled back when I went fishing.
And I could've sworn I heard the moon laughing at me
Because of how foolish it is to feel this way.
But I just sat and laughed with him
Because I knew he meant no harm by it
And I could tell the sea was smiling
By how gently it rose
And how soft it called
And when the sun came up
He was glad to see I had made it through the
Darkest of nights
And the longest of days
And the trees were happy to know that I had grown taller
And the sea was happy
To feel that I had fallen deeper
And deeper
Deeper
In love.

I'll Just Have to Find Out

 

 

I've never been good at confrontation,
and I don't really plan to anytime soon,
but I'm really one of those quiet lovers.
who doesn't get the words
quit right. 
and I'm not sure I ever will.
I've always kind of just sat and watched
and loved from afar
because when she looks that happy,
and I see that smile,
I smile.
But I can't say I feel happy.



Sometimes things start to pile up, 
things like
never kissed
never had a girlfriend
never been popular
never never never


and all these "never"s make you feel
like maybe something is wrong with you.
and tonight is just one of those nights
where you're not exactly sure how to feel
and you know that you'll be okay
just not today
or tomorrow
but one day you'll be okay

and maybe on one of these days 

I'll confront you,

I'll fight for you,

I'll tell you.

and maybe nothing will happen

but maybe everything will happen

I'll just have to find out.

Undergods

Because

 the underdogs need someone

who will root for them,

and I always will.

because I believe in fighters

and in the quiet lovers

and in the bad test takers

and in the sad teachers

and in the star gazers

and in the mad preachers

and I believe in the kids on the bleachers,

because that's where I am.

shouting at the top of my lungs

for the guy in my class who comes in everyday

hoping no one sees his tears

because men don't cry

for the girl who walks around the school alone

counting her steps in each concrete slab

as well has her reasons to live

for the boy in elementary who was called gay

because he likes flowers

and he picks them for his mother

I'm shouting for the underdogs

because I see myself in them

and we are all unfinished miracles

waiting for the right moment

to show everyone what we got

and all these underdogs,

or maybe I should say

undergods,

are fighting 

and fighting

and fighting

For a chance to be recognized 

As something greater

Than a textbook nobody.

and I'll be

yelling

cheering

shouting

because its the last quarter

And you've given your all

and you're doing great

and you always will.

My Darling

My darling
Don't be afraid
Of all you can become

Please be who you were born to be,
and don't be scared of the pretty faces,
Don't be scared to tell them what you feel
  and don't be afraid to feel

Please,

I ask you to feel.

...
My darling
Don't be afraid of things that haven't happened
Because the scariest things
Have already come and gone
And you can stop worrying if I'll ever leave
Because I'm here to stay

to be with you

always.

...
My darling
You can stop pulling the sheets over your head

and crying behind closed doors to hide

those beautiful swollen eyes
and you don't have to be afraid
Of smiling anymore,
Because you have the most beautiful smile
And out of 7 billion,
Yours is my favorite.

...
My darling
Don't be scared of the things your heart has to say
Because words of love were never meant to be feared
And after you speak don't be scared
To hear your heart break.
Because it might be for the best now 

than to have it broken

when there is nothing left to break.

And don't be afraid to let your heart mend
My darling,

Let it mend

...

Pluto

Once
I felt lonely

And I went outside & looked for Pluto
And asked to speak to him.

Because he knows what its like

To be small, and far away

And when Pluto spoke,

 He told me

That people tell him he doesn't count

And that people forget about him

And people say he is too small

But he said he doesn't feel bad

Because even the worst of people

Are loved
And even the prettiest people
Can do ugly things
And even the those who have everything
Can only have some things
 When they close their eyes

And Pluto told me
 That from far away
All the big problems become small anyway
And all the little ones
Help blend the background
To the masterpiece titled
"Life"
And when I asked Pluto why

He said
Instead of everything happening for a reason,
Everything just happens
And like a prayer,
You shouldn't expect an answer,
But you can ask for one.

And before Pluto left
I said thank you
Because the words
 From the loneliest planet
Were the most comforting
And I couldn't help but wonder
If I had helped the littlest planet
Feel a little less lonely
As well.

Only Open Your Mouth If

Please only open your mouth

If what you have to say
is more beautiful than the silence.
Because this silence is mending,
Listening,
To the heartache
And to the loneliness.
That are speaking volumes.

Please only open your mouth
If your ears have the courage to hear
What may come next.
Because I've had a lot on my mind lately,
And it needs to be heard

Please only open your mouth
If you are going to explain your eyes to me.
Because I can't tell what they love anymore,
that soft kindness is gone.

and I don't know which is more troubling,

Your eyes

Or the way they made me feel.

But if you feel you must speak,

Let your mind speak freely,

Then try giving you heart a turn

Because I haven't heard what it's had to say

For quite a while now.

And now I'm starting to wonder,
If i ever heard it at all.

Hold On

Hold on, 

because one day you will be the greatest. 

and no amount of sad days and and sorry people can stop you.

because you are loved,

dear,

remember that.

and know you are seen

and you will continue to be seen

and you will continue to be loved.

and forever your name will echo through a legacy of loved ones.

don't stop trying. 

don't you ever stop trying

 because I am counting on you.

and when you feel like giving up

remember that

someone needs you.

I need you.

and when the days get darker,

and darker,

and darker.

and you feel you are at your lowest point,

remember why you stayed strong for so long

and never doubt why

 and if you can't do it for yourself,

do it for her,

for him

for them,

for me,

please

do it for me.

and when you feel like letting go

just know that I will be there

Holding on 

Never letting go.

 

How to Keep Moving Forward

How to Keep Moving Forward:

Don't look back on the silly things,

because that's all they are,

silly.

Be kind to those who are wrong,

because one day they will get it right,

and you will be there when they do.

Constantly look for good in others.

because no matter who they are,

there is good.

and if you look for it 

and you truly see it,

It will show.

Surround yourself with those you love,

because you will gain precious memories

and those will only stay.

Be content with yourself.

Be proud of who you are. 

because after all

you will be with yourself for the rest of your life

so you might as well like who you are.

If you happen to skip a few of these

that's okay.

Because at least you're trying

and others will notice 

and take it to heart.

Because in the future,

You will laugh about those silly things,

and when you are wrong,

you will have plenty of people

to celebrate the time you get it right.

and those people will only see good in you

and there will be those who need you

and you will be there

to surround them,

to love them.

and those moments will last forever.

and lastly in doing these

you will learn:

to love yourself.

to love life.

to move forward.

Angel Bones

Once,

A long time ago

I told myself that I was an angel.

Because I had these bones
That would come out of my back

and that's where my wings would've been.

so I believed it.

and I prayed to God 

 Saying "thank you for giving me this"

....

But as time went by,

My body grew out of its wings

and my brain knew better

Than to call myself an angel
Just because I could pop my shoulder blades out.
I started down the boardwalk to reality

and from there,
 I went on knowing I was a human.

Mortal.

Nothing more.

...

but one day

On a normal day

I did something out of the ordinary.

I stuck the bones out of my back,
just to remember what it felt like
to be an angel.

it was like greeting an old friend.
and I realized
 that even though I am not an angel,

that does not mean that

I cannot be a

Godsend

..
And in that moment
I hoped for my own Godsend.
Because I needed someone,
Something
to believe I was special

.

Bricks and Carpet

Watching the trees in the park from my bedroom window, I hear the house softly sleeping; creaking along with the bustling cars and timid songbirds. In a city where the size is feeble, but the evenings are brilliant. Quite similar to that of a beach evening ending. But what do I know about the city that has taken up Friends, Neighbors, Lovers.

I am happier here spread out with my eyes closed. I feel I might celebrate the things that make me happier, but should I wake I fear I may no longer be happy.
So I cast my mind back to yesterdays thoughts, because I am much safer there than in the present. I remember how I did my best to be polite on numerous occasions, but I suppose I could have tried harder.

As the sun peaks through the window, I wonder about my approaching life. Will I be laying here
5 years
10 years
20 years down the line?
I'll be here staring at the same trees puzzled by love and life. It will be interesting to see if anyone remembers the words I said that I didn't get quite right. And I suppose the world wont be springing out of its bed just to accommodate me.

Who knows, maybe I'll end up owning the city.
or sleeping under the trees at the park.
And would the dogs keep me awake
or would I keep them asleep.
or perhaps I would have the sense to move back home.

or maybe I shall build a home,
out of bricks, carpet, love and all those other things needed for a home.

but I've strayed off the subject,
I'm slowly stretching to be rid of the mornings ache and dull senses. And I'm happy because I wont be taking anything too seriously.

3:24 AM

3:24 am is for the lonely.
For the boy that feels nothing,
And for the boy that feels everything.
It's for the people who feel sad inside,
For reasons unknown.

It is not for those who have it all.
Those who have a knowledge of where they are from,
and where they are going.

It is not for the wealthy or famous,
and it is definitely not for the remembered

It is for the forgotten.
For the fleeting thoughts that finally mean something.
For reminiscing the sweetest sentiments.
For the newly discovered love,
For the feeling you can't shake,
And for those who can't get it right.

and lastly,
it is for Charlie Laurent.

Who wants to be remembered.

Everywhere Yet Nowhere

In class, We were asked the question

"Is love real" 

I saw one girl immediately shake her head.

She's had some rough spots I imagine. 

but at least shes got an answer for herself.

I had to think.

I am not qualified to write about love, 

but I can at least try.

Love is when I told her that 

there were other things we needed to find

before we found each other. 

Because,

Love is everywhere yet nowhere,

and we get lost in it too easily.

and if we can't find ourselves,

how can we find love.

Continually we search for something, 

something better than what we have, 

not noticing  that  maybe

what we need, and

what we want are

different.

Failing to see that 

what we have

is searching as well.

searching for someone,

Someone who can actually see them.

but we are blind.

and

our love is blind too.

and we crave this idea of discovering someone who will love us,

because we can't love ourselves..

I cannot deny that love exists, neither can I prove it.

However I can say that I have felt something
that people would liken unto love.
and some would claim otherwise,

But whatever it is,
the things my heart feel are real,

and they should be treated as such.

And the things my heart has to say,

are too big to be kept inside the small corners of my mouth.

And the things my heart knows,

are too magnificent to be put down in words.

My heart knows love.

It may not know 

how to, or

what to, or 

who to love.

But it knows love.

and even still,

For the longest time,

I've told myself:

love is a myth.

but then I remind myself

some myths are real,

and that is what some loves are.

real.

Faux

"Clone,
caught hold of your flood lung,
harbour your ‘someone',
prevent me.

Shown,
you swoon in your lace run,
brooding, a quilt tongue,
pining me.

Calm, 
clot, cold, and bleed

Bone,
pull over your midriff,
labour your inches,
widow me.

Hone,
all crimson and hinges,
tarot and itches,
corner me.

Faux 
shot, sold and bleed

Cower all your cinders, fake us
bower in your shivers, shake us"

-Novo Amor

My Heart Doesn't Run on Batteries

I am not a robot

I know because I have the capability to love,

and not just to be loved.

I am Human

I know because my heart doesn't run on batteries,
but it still need time to recharge.

I am not a robot,

I know because wires bend,

and although my heart is wired,

It can only break.

but it can mend.

The Beauty of Life

Best in show

Gold medal

Best friend

First prize

With everyone constantly trying to prove themselves to be the best,

Its hard to stop and think,

Remember,

What you heard

What seems so long ago,

That you are good enough.

That you hold value.

That you still remain priceless.

And that you always will.

No matter what the glass screens tell you.

Its easy to get lost in this constantly competing world

And you see the truth is,

I've never been good at being first place

Or the best for that matter.

But I don't have to be.

Because titles last only as long as their letters,

The trophies will only collect more dust,

And even certificates can tear.

So instead of getting lost in the race,

Get lost in the beauty of things,

In the beauty of life.

I Wish It Would've Gone Slower

As a child I wanted to grow up fast,
now as an adult I wish it would've gone slower.

lets go back

To when creativity flowed like rivers through my veins. To when I could be pleased with who I was every morning. To when my biggest decision was who I was going to play with that day. To when the most hurt I would ever feel was a scraped knee. To when I could say anything and still be considered innocent.

As an adult I wake up and can hardly stand myself, but I try to. Now I hardly have friends who would want to "hang out". Now everyday I push through my emotions, good or bad, and give a smile. Because if I don't people will think somethings wrong, and they'll want to talk about it. Now I can barely say what I feel without being criticized and labeled as ignorant, selfish, stupid, ungrateful, annoying, weird. 

Funny thing labels,

last time I checked they were for clothes. Not people. 

but now here I am

Wishing I could go back to nap time, because now I hardly get any sleep. To scraping knees, because now that seems a lot easier to deal with. To broken crayons,

Because now that's all I am.

Its What You Make Of It

To be honest with you I have no idea what I am going to write within the next couple of minutes, hours, days. Its all just coming out as I type. Maybe an introduction will come of it.

Sitting in a place where my mind can feel open. Cause when I close my eyes the space is endless. I can go anywhere and do anything. Listening to certain songs can expand the seemingly endless space. It creates feelings even louder than the words and music themselves. Breath taking actually.

I enjoy the fourth of July with its colors and such, along with all the nostalgia. Its a great feeling. going out on my front porch looking at family, friends, neighbors. All together to witness something that wont last. Timeless.

We've created this concept of time, but perhaps it is meaningless because after all we are all here on this earth to experience something magnificent, but that will come on its own, so it just might be best to forget about time. The difference in moments and time is that time will always escape you. Moments leave a feeling. whether it leaves you sorry or not, its what you make of it.

I hate apologies even though I use them far too often because I care.

I care very much about people. I care that they are happy and that they can find something to be happy about. Or when they talk passionately about something they do. Caring more about other peoples lives rather than my own will most likely be my downfall, but maybe one of these days I will put my own life as a priority.

Maybe one of these days I will be someones priority. But then again people worrying about me is not my favorite.

Perhaps one of my least favorite things in the world is when I do something that creates envy in others. I fall apart. Because after all, we're all here just trying to do our best. No ones got it all.

I suppose I talk a lot about feeling when sometimes I wonder if I could care any less. But the honest truth is I don't realize what I'm saying until after its said. I don't know what I'm doing until after its done. And I really have no idea as to where I'm going until I've arrived.

At times I pause, thinking my life a movie. I wonder what the people watching must feel, whether they feel sorry for me and what not. Maybe its boring, or maybe its just one of those movies that leaves you feeling something. You can't really describe it, but you know you'll want to watch it again.

I hope its that last one.