Charlie

Once
Someone told me I was bad at hugging
so I stopped
I stopped giving hugs
because I didn't want to be told that again
I even looked up on wiki-how
"how to hug"
so that just in case I had to hug again
I might be a little more prepared

Once
I was told on my birthday
by some 10th grade 'royalty'
that I didn't matter
but I simply told them I did
and walked away
but since that day
I don't talk to 'royalty'
especially on my birthday.

Once
I decided I was for love
and I told her about my love
but because best friends
don't make the best of lovers
I was left with nothing
and I wish I would've said nothing
because maybe now things
could be different

Once
I posted this video of my singing
and Nelson played it
for both classes
and I was so embarrassed
because I didn't think anyone
would really listen to it
so I deleted it
because I never really liked
my own voice

Once
I made this blog named
Charlie Laurent
and it got way more emotional than
I thought it would
And I don't let a lot of people in
and I ask you to please
know me as I am

So now you know me as

the boy who wont hug
or
the boy who doesn't like his birthday
or
the boy who can't talk about love
or
the boy who loves to sing but wont

and the thing about Charlie Laurent 

Is that he wants to be known
for who he really is

but you see even if all these sad things say a lot about me,
I made the choice a while ago
to be happy, and I am.



and I will continue to be happy



and I know this isn't the most spectacular of reveals
and I had no intention of competing with
Maddie Wheadon or Landon Hall
but I just wanted to say
I'm Caleb Miller
and I am Happy.

The Sea Allegory

Nights grow darker
days get longer
trees reach higher
And the seas sink deeper
and deeper
deeper
and all this time I'm feeling
that maybe I missed something along the way.
or maybe I just miss you.
Because everyone here is falling in love with fish
but I'm afraid I fell in love with the sea.
Because it was the only thing that pulled back when I went fishing.
And I could've sworn I heard the moon laughing at me
Because of how foolish it is to feel this way.
But I just sat and laughed with him
Because I knew he meant no harm by it
And I could tell the sea was smiling
By how gently it rose
And how soft it called
And when the sun came up
He was glad to see I had made it through the
Darkest of nights
And the longest of days
And the trees were happy to know that I had grown taller
And the sea was happy
To feel that I had fallen deeper
And deeper
Deeper
In love.

I'll Just Have to Find Out

 

 

I've never been good at confrontation,
and I don't really plan to anytime soon,
but I'm really one of those quiet lovers.
who doesn't get the words
quit right. 
and I'm not sure I ever will.
I've always kind of just sat and watched
and loved from afar
because when she looks that happy,
and I see that smile,
I smile.
But I can't say I feel happy.



Sometimes things start to pile up, 
things like
never kissed
never had a girlfriend
never been popular
never never never


and all these "never"s make you feel
like maybe something is wrong with you.
and tonight is just one of those nights
where you're not exactly sure how to feel
and you know that you'll be okay
just not today
or tomorrow
but one day you'll be okay

and maybe on one of these days 

I'll confront you,

I'll fight for you,

I'll tell you.

and maybe nothing will happen

but maybe everything will happen

I'll just have to find out.

Undergods

Because

 the underdogs need someone

who will root for them,

and I always will.

because I believe in fighters

and in the quiet lovers

and in the bad test takers

and in the sad teachers

and in the star gazers

and in the mad preachers

and I believe in the kids on the bleachers,

because that's where I am.

shouting at the top of my lungs

for the guy in my class who comes in everyday

hoping no one sees his tears

because men don't cry

for the girl who walks around the school alone

counting her steps in each concrete slab

as well has her reasons to live

for the boy in elementary who was called gay

because he likes flowers

and he picks them for his mother

I'm shouting for the underdogs

because I see myself in them

and we are all unfinished miracles

waiting for the right moment

to show everyone what we got

and all these underdogs,

or maybe I should say

undergods,

are fighting 

and fighting

and fighting

For a chance to be recognized 

As something greater

Than a textbook nobody.

and I'll be

yelling

cheering

shouting

because its the last quarter

And you've given your all

and you're doing great

and you always will.

My Darling

My darling
Don't be afraid
Of all you can become

Please be who you were born to be,
and don't be scared of the pretty faces,
Don't be scared to tell them what you feel
  and don't be afraid to feel

Please,

I ask you to feel.

...
My darling
Don't be afraid of things that haven't happened
Because the scariest things
Have already come and gone
And you can stop worrying if I'll ever leave
Because I'm here to stay

to be with you

always.

...
My darling
You can stop pulling the sheets over your head

and crying behind closed doors to hide

those beautiful swollen eyes
and you don't have to be afraid
Of smiling anymore,
Because you have the most beautiful smile
And out of 7 billion,
Yours is my favorite.

...
My darling
Don't be scared of the things your heart has to say
Because words of love were never meant to be feared
And after you speak don't be scared
To hear your heart break.
Because it might be for the best now 

than to have it broken

when there is nothing left to break.

And don't be afraid to let your heart mend
My darling,

Let it mend

...

Pluto

Once
I felt lonely

And I went outside & looked for Pluto
And asked to speak to him.

Because he knows what its like

To be small, and far away

And when Pluto spoke,

 He told me

That people tell him he doesn't count

And that people forget about him

And people say he is too small

But he said he doesn't feel bad

Because even the worst of people

Are loved
And even the prettiest people
Can do ugly things
And even the those who have everything
Can only have some things
 When they close their eyes

And Pluto told me
 That from far away
All the big problems become small anyway
And all the little ones
Help blend the background
To the masterpiece titled
"Life"
And when I asked Pluto why

He said
Instead of everything happening for a reason,
Everything just happens
And like a prayer,
You shouldn't expect an answer,
But you can ask for one.

And before Pluto left
I said thank you
Because the words
 From the loneliest planet
Were the most comforting
And I couldn't help but wonder
If I had helped the littlest planet
Feel a little less lonely
As well.

Only Open Your Mouth If

Please only open your mouth

If what you have to say
is more beautiful than the silence.
Because this silence is mending,
Listening,
To the heartache
And to the loneliness.
That are speaking volumes.

Please only open your mouth
If your ears have the courage to hear
What may come next.
Because I've had a lot on my mind lately,
And it needs to be heard

Please only open your mouth
If you are going to explain your eyes to me.
Because I can't tell what they love anymore,
that soft kindness is gone.

and I don't know which is more troubling,

Your eyes

Or the way they made me feel.

But if you feel you must speak,

Let your mind speak freely,

Then try giving you heart a turn

Because I haven't heard what it's had to say

For quite a while now.

And now I'm starting to wonder,
If i ever heard it at all.